Podcast

#274 - RADICALLY CONTENT: BEING SATISFIED IN AN ENDLESSLY DISSATISFIED WORLD, with Jamie Varon

 

Welcome to another inspiring episode 💛

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Today I sit down for a meaningful discussion with the inspiring Jamie Varon. A bestselling author, designer, and creative consultant, who joins us to discuss her transformative book,'Radically Content: Being Satisfied in an Endlessly Dissatisfied World'.

It's a provocative title and Jamie and I delve into the core themes, exploring how to opt out of societal expectations and create a life you never have to escape from. 

Sound interesting? It is.

We talk about the all-too-pervasive issue of waiting for life to "begin" once we achieve perfection - and how to break free from this mindset.

Jamie shares her personal journey from self-doubt to self-love, offering practical tools for cultivating self-trust, defining your own version of success, and living with intention.

Key Takeaways:

  1. Unlearn the dogma of dissatisfaction and embrace radical contentment.
  2. Cultivate real self-trust and define your own success.
  3. Live with intention and rewrite your personal narrative.
  4. Create consistent, healing habits and rituals to enhance your life.

Join us as Jamie gives a good nudge to us to live a more satisfied life, free from the endless chase of societal approval.

It's not just a conversation; it’s an invitation to transform your perspective and start living a life of true contentment. Your Dream Life. 

To support you further with that, consider joining our virtual book club GROW. A global community of like-minded people.

We meet on Zoom every Monday evening to discuss and squeeze the learnings from an inspiring personal growth book every month. It's fun 🤩 

👉 to attend a free GROW session on 29th July to see if it's for you, register here...

As always, I’d LOVE to hear what resonates with you from this episode and what you plan to implement after listening in. So please share and let’s keep the conversation going in the Dream Life Podcast Facebook Group here.    

Have a wonderful weekend… and remember, it all starts with a dream 💛

Enjoy! 

 💛

Dream Life Founder  

SHOW NOTES:

  • Join my virtual book club GROW for August where we'll meet weekly on Zoom to discuss and squeeze the learnings from Jamies brilliant book, 'Radically Content: Being Satisfied in an Endlessly Dissatisfied World'. Learn more here..
  • Join my Platinum Coaching Program - where in August the focus is on going deep into Brand You. Learn more here.
  • Dream Life Community Facebook Group: Connect with like-minded dreamers.
  • Join our Power of Connection & Journaling breakfast event with Tory Archbold & I. Link for Sydney on 28th August. Link for Melbourne on 27th August.
  • If you're interested in joining us at the amazing SHE EVOLVES RETREAT in beautiful Byron Bay, you can find more information here... If you decide it's for you, use my speaking discount code to get a $250 discount: KKARLSSON 
  • Learn more & register here for our RECONNECT TO YOU Retreat.
    🌿 Experience the joy of a wonderful retreat, while learning how to run your own personal solo retreats 🌿 
  • Learn more & register here for our FIJI REINVENT YOU RETREAT. Embark on a transformative journey guided by Kristina Karlsson, Sarah Pirie-Nally, Nicole Hatherly, and Shaynna Blaze.

RESOURCES:

TRANSCRIPT:

Hi there and welcome back to another episode. Today's guest is another inspiring author, and I'm extra excited because we are reading her book in my book club Grow in August. So if you are inspired after listening to this, please join me as it will be a great book to read together and obviously to discuss it and implement what is relevant.

It's super inspiring and very much aligned how I view life. So my guest today is Jamie Varon, and she's a novelist, bestselling author, designer, digital course [00:02:00] creator, and creative consultant living in Los Angeles. Jamie has written many books, but in today's episode, We will be talking all about her book, Radically Content.

How to be satisfied in an endlessly dissatisfied world. Jamie will inspire us to opt out of societal expectations and create a life you never have to escape from. That sounds really good. Too many of us are waiting for our lives to begin, putting our happiness on layaway for some future version where it all lines up.

When we have accomplished it all, when we have the perfect career, perfect bodies, partners, and And when our lives finally feel good enough. But what is good enough? Who gets to decide? And when do we ever reach it? So in today's episode, we are talking about the new [00:03:00] framework of living. We are exploring themes like guilt, happiness, anxiety, settling, control, healing, and being our own worst enemies.

Not only will you unlearn the dogma of dissatisfaction, but learn practical tools to create a more satisfied life for yourself, including cultivating real self trust, defining your own version of success, living with intention, and Rewriting your personal narrative and creating consistent and healing habits and rituals.

This is such an inspiring episode, so let's get right into it.

Well hello Jamie and welcome to my podcast. I am so excited to have you. Thank you for having me. I'm excited for this conversation. Thank you. Thank you. There is one [00:04:00] question that I ask all my, um, guests and that is, did you have a dream as a child? Something you wanted to kind of do or have or become?

Jamie: I had so many dreams as a child.

I feel like I was seeing my future as a person. multi passionate, multi hyphenate type of person because I just, I wanted to be a teacher, a grocery store checker. I loved the grocery store, a singer, an actress. Um, I, if I had thought that there was a career as a writer, I But like I used to write as a kid, like little poems and songs and stuff.

And, but I don't know, for some reason it never occurred to me that like the books that I was reading, that was a real job that people were doing, you know, I mean, sort for some people. And so I just, I fell in love with books and I was reading all the time. And, um, I was just had a very curious nature, very creative.

I think that's the through line and everything. If I [00:05:00] look back, I'm like, I was just a creative kid. I was always up to something. Like I did not need to be entertained at all.

Kristina: I love that. I love that. And, uh, it's fascinating when you kind of grow up because when I, I grew up on a farm in Sweden. So my, my life was kind of quite, you know, it was quite limited in terms of, of the global aspect.

And this is also before internet. So, um, when I started my own business, I started a global business many years ago. And when I started that, I realized there were so many jobs that. Like I had no idea that they existed, even something like I, I started a retail business. So I used to go into the stores at night and redecorating the whole stores.

And I used to think how funny this is my job. Although I had to give that away as we were growing and had people who are much better than that, than me doing VM. But yeah, it was just fascinating. So I can completely [00:06:00] relate to, to that. So I would love for you to tell. us and our listeners a little bit about your journey because we've got a global community here.

So, um, not everyone would have heard about you yet.

Jamie: Yes. I guess my journey is, you know, I've done a lot of different things in my career. I started out, um, as a graphic designer and a web designer back in 2009, started my own business kind of on the heels of going. At that time, like ridiculously viral on Twitter because I wanted to work at Twitter.

And I made this website called Twitter should hire me. com. And for that time, it was pretty viral. I was on CNN. I was interviewed in fortune magazine, like, cause it was the, Here in the, in the states it was like the recession and so it was all about like the creative job hunters and, um, out of, because of that people started asking me, you know, [00:07:00] do you design websites?

And I was like, sure. I didn't even know what I was doing, but I was like, sure. And my, my mom and my dad are both entrepreneurs in their own right. And so I, it always occurred to me that I could start my own business. It didn't feel that different. So I started doing that. I started blogging on the side.

I've always, always had some sort of internet presence where I was like sharing my thoughts, whether it be my space and then Twitter. And then, you know, I'm just. Medium, I just always kind of go with where the people are because I just love sharing my thoughts and sharing what I'm learning with people And so over the course of that, I mean just so many different twists and turns It was not a linear path to where I am and even now it's not a linear path of where i'm going I'm doing lots of different things.

Um, it never really I've never really had the sensation of like, this is the one thing that I'm doing and I sometimes crave it. And then when I get [00:08:00] it, I get like restless. Like I always like to have a lot of things going. I, my mind is very active. So it's like, I always like to have something I'm kind of tinkering with and working on.

And so, yeah, I mean, then it took a long time for me to get my publishing deals. It, it, less that like I was in the trenches trying to get an agent or anything. It was that I just didn't have the nerve yet to write the books. You know, I was struggling with a lot of self doubt throughout all of this.

Struggling with, you know, I got to make money. How am I going to write a book when I have to work? And um, that was really on my mind. And so finally, in 2019 ish, it kind of all started to come together, because I said to myself, I was like, It's, it's now or never. Like, it wasn't really, you know, because I still have plenty of time.

But for me, at that moment, it was a very now or never, [00:09:00] like, stop talking about wanting to write a book, and write the book. You gotta just get over it and do it, you know, like it was kind of like, I was sick of my stuff, like all the it's not the right time. It's not the right. Well, just make it the right time, you know, so once that started, there was kind of a wheels in motion situation that happened.

Um, and I don't need to go into all the details, but then, By like, 2021, I had a book deal for Radically Content that the publisher approached me. So that was like kind of a dream situation. And then by 2023, yeah, my novel was out. And I had not only written a novel. Which seemed impossible to me, like, I didn't even know I could do that.

And then I felt like I blinked and it was out in the world and people were reading it and saying, like, it's a novel. And I was like, is it? I kept going like, is it a novel? Like, I mean, is it? Are [00:10:00] you following me? It was so funny because it was so, I had this very weird imposter syndrome about it. But I mean, it was.

It's kind of funny now because of course, yeah, I wrote that. I mean, I've been reading my full life, you know, and I kind of knew what I was doing. I'd studied a lot of craft, but there was that sort of, I had heard, you know, you were going to get rejected so many times and all. And it all kind of like came together almost like the rejection I suffered was self rejection.

Like I rejected myself for like 20 years. before I said, Jamie, just sit down and write, like just write it. Oh my God. Like I got so frustrated with myself that I feel like almost there was a, like there was a karmic debt from the universe of like, we're going to make this easy for you. Like we're going to open the doors for you because you've done it all [00:11:00] to yourself.

You know? And I look, I look at people that are like writing books and. Putting them out there at 25, and I'm just like, how are you doing that? I mean, I was so afraid of like getting reviews and being criticized, and I just had so much fear around it, which now I'm on the other side of it. It's the best feeling ever.

But yeah, so that was kind of the journey. It's Obviously there's, in anyone's journey, there's a million different twists and turns and, but that's kind of the overview.

Kristina: Yeah, I love that. And I love how you're sharing about this self doubt because in my coaching program, the number one thing. is self doubt.

Uh, it's not really, like, I have never seen a dream that someone says that I don't think they can do it, but they just don't know how to do it yet. And they often compare themselves with people who are well ahead of them, and they're just a little bit, you know, further along the road. And, um, you know, it's so normal to, um, when you have [00:12:00] a big dream like that, publishing books to, um, to feel self doubt because you have, if you haven't done it before, that's completely normal.

So I can, so, Totally relate to that. But I'd love to talk about your book, which we are going to read in my book club called Grow. It's a nonfiction book club and we, um, we read a book a month. And then every Monday night I go live and discuss this book. So I'm super excited to do that with your book. So what inspired you to write Radically Content?

Jamie: Yeah. So, uh, Radically Content was really a It just was born out of a very organic lifestyle change for me. Like a very big mindset shift. As I said, struggling with self doubt for so long, because of that, I was very inconsistent. I, you know, really thought that, you know, the, the promise sometimes that we hold onto when we have self doubt is that [00:13:00] once we get to a certain place, it'll go away, you know?

So once you get the achievement that you feel like is so out of your reach or you hit the life that you've been comparing yourself to and all of this, then you'll be happy. Then you'll have like, um, no self doubt. And I had experienced like, So many of those moments and I kept thinking well, I guess I just got to do more that drove me for a really long time Was like I just to do more I guess I you know I don't feel the way that I thought that I would feel so that means I'm not good enough yet So I got to keep going, you know Eventually, I'll feel good enough and the self doubt will go away and it wasn't until I I, it actually came from in 2017.

I completely quit writing for a year. I was not even in a, I'm not going to write. It was like, I'm not even going to think about writing. Like I, I said to myself, I was like, I'm [00:14:00] not going to go back to writing until it feels joyful because it had felt like Did not fun like it wasn't fun. It was only bringing me intense anxiety, like so crazy panic anxiety every single morning, just waking up like in this kind of panic state.

And so I was like, for your well being, like, just don't think about writing. Don't think about the book. Like, just don't think about anything. And I realized because I said to myself, I was like, I just want to be happy. Like, I just want to be happy. So how do I create happiness in my life? And I realized in that moment, like this was the beginning of 2017.

I was like, have I ever had that goal before? I had always thought, okay, there's a roadblock to my happiness and that's something I have to achieve. Like almost like I, I was in like a video game, you know, and I had to like go through all these little tests and, and obstacles to get to where I wanted to [00:15:00] be.

And I was like, what if I figure out how to be happy like and, and content with myself without any of the things that I thought I needed? To be content and happy and I was like at first I didn't like that Cuz I was like, I'm gonna give up and this is me getting really complacent about my life And then the craziest things started to happen like I actually started feeling really joyful easily I felt like really I would wake up like excited about the day.

I was excited about my simple things like going on my little walk in the afternoon and you know, my cup of coffee and it wasn't this constant like you're not doing enough. You're never enough. You're not productive enough. Why aren't you like if I wasn't writing or if I wasn't working, I was thinking about working and anxious about working.

And mind you, this is all before 2020 when everyone had it. It seemed like a kind of global wake up call about [00:16:00] their productivity and a lot of their internalized ideas. So I was kind of. I would write about this. Eventually, I started writing about it. And it did not get traction. Like, people were, I was talking about, like, hustle culture in, like, 2018.

And people were like, no, I'm, I'm a boss, babe. Like, I'm a girl boss. I just work, work, work. You know, like, I was like, okay, you know, I guess this is not landing. And then 2021, boy, did it start landing. You know and by the time it started landing That's when I got my book deal and I was like I have the idea like I have a philosophy I have the idea I know exactly what I just went through because I have read so many self help books and Almost all of them are treating what I think are the symptoms Instead of the core issue, which is the belief that [00:17:00] like I'll be happy when I get here And they'll teach you how to get there.

That's what they'll teach you That's what the self development books and a lot of them do they'll teach you how to change your body how to Um get this achievement how to get this amount of money They're they're always going toward the goal and I wanted to do this book because I was like, but what's in between?

the goals Like, that's a lot of space to just be prolonging your pride in yourself, your happiness, your celebrating, your romanticizing your life, all these things, your care for yourself, your well being, because there is this very toxic belief, once I get there, then I'll do all the things. Then I'll take care of myself, then I'll have time in my, it's, it's completely backwards to me, to me.

And so that's what I write about in Radically Content is, you know, all the different ways that [00:18:00] this shows up in our life of being a constant dissatisfaction with ourselves so that we're always improving. We're always buying the thing that's supposed to fix us. We're always in this belief that we're in a lack position.

In ourselves and the belief and the reason that we stay in that lock is because we fear that we're going to be seen as lazy or complacent or not improving, not like, you know, going after our goals, which in Western society, maybe not. I don't know. It's sort of in Europe, but not as much. But in the Western culture, that's like a can.

That's like the worst thing you could do is be unproductive, you know, like you're supposed to be productive. And you're supposed, that's your value. In a capitalist society. And so I was like, okay, so where's like the middle ground? I actually feel good when I achieve goals and go after it, but I don't feel good if everything in between those goals [00:19:00] feels so lackluster and And I don't feel like i'm valuable or worthy unless i'm always having these big celebratory moments, you know Especially with social media now this the celebratory moments.

You're just getting bombarded by them like we are being We're consuming people's once in a lifetime moments over and over and over and over and over, you know, like as if that's a normal thing That's happening to people every single day It's like skews our perception of reality and I've had to come to the conclusion that like every day There's monotony in the everyday sometimes.

And, you know, to do your big goals, like for example, to write a book, that is a monotonous sort of every day you do the same thing. You sit down and you write. Like, and it becomes fun. It started to become fun for me when I started getting really addicted to consistency. [00:20:00] Like I love, he was like, Oh my God, day 50.

Yes. I was like, as someone who was so inconsistent, I was just absolutely on a high that I was sticking to my word, keeping my promises to myself and actually doing the thing that I said I wanted to do instead of having this constant disharmony between what I say I'm going to do and then what I'm actually doing.

And so, you know, that, that is the basis of radically content. I mean, um, There's obviously a lot more that goes into it because it's a whole book, but it's really about this It's not about like it's that middle ground between Okay hustle and get all your goals and crush it and go for it like this very like intense approach and then this other side where it's like go like Just have chickens somewhere and you know, like go off grid and you know it felt like there was like a lot of that those two extremes and I was like [00:21:00] What about a middle where like we still have space for all our goals and all our dreams but we also like Enjoy the in between because that's where we are for the most part.

I mean, you know, if I think back to like writing radically content, that was a long, that was months of working on that book, if not over a year or two. And then years of formulating it without really knowing what I was formulating and to, to say that the only. beautiful moment was the day it came out, April 12th.

That's like a disservice to all the time and all the effort I put into it. But we're just really obsessed with the idea of that one day, the one moment. It's very theatrical, it's very cinematic, and I love that idea too, but it is actually a letdown if I've Put every hope and dream into it becoming this life changing.

[00:22:00] I'm a new person and I never doubt myself ever again It's like I don't doubt myself within a minute. That's so humbling, you know, because i'm just a human who I'm, just existing. Um, so yeah, I mean it's uh, It's a funny thing because the book came out in 2022 And then over the years since like the past couple of years I've had to relearn it.

Like, I keep coming back to it with myself. Like, it's such a living thing to me, this philosophy. It's not like something that just I never question, it's like it still lives within me of like, I live that philosophy too because of all the things that I've learned over the years and how much kind of disappointment I felt when you do finally get the things and they don't live up to the fantasy that you've had.

Kristina: Yeah, I absolutely love that. And I [00:23:00] can relate to that too. I completely understand the, um, letdown and because I'm always setting really big dreams, but I, I always think about having that, like being content where I'm at today, but being excited about where I potentially could go and not putting that out.

But you know, it's a, it's an everyday practice, I think for all of us, but I love for you to talk through the process of becoming radically content. And are there any specific steps or stages that you. would like to recommend to our listeners?

Jamie: I think it's really important to, and I mean, it's very cliche, but I feel like it's cliche for a reason.

And I just took it a bit further of like, I had to force myself to be present. Like I was not present. I look back in my 20s, they're just years that went by where I don't have memories. Like you don't collect a memory. If you're in the present moment, but you're not actually in it, you [00:24:00] don't have a memory of it.

It's like you're, because you're thinking like, well, when this happens and when this happens, you're very addicted to that. And I think for me, sometimes I think like when we talk about presence, it's like a meditation and you have to be still and it's, it's not about that. Like, I think of presence as like a totally active, it's a way of being sort of like actively engaged in your life.

So as it's happening. You know, it's like you're there in it. You're the one doing it instead of thinking of like what I need to do and what I have to do, like, of course, that's going to happen sometimes. You can't be, I mean, of course, we have things we have to do, but I think for me, that was very important was to be like noticing things like if I went on my walk, I'll be like, okay, I got to notice the weather.

I got to notice like how I feel today. I got to notice like what's around me. What are the sites? What are the smells? Like for me, that was very important because I was running on like an autopilot for a long time. I mean, sure, I was engaged, but I wasn't like [00:25:00] there, in it, and like appreciating my life as it was happening.

And I said to myself at some point in my, when I got into my 30s, I was like, that's enough. I can't do that anymore. Like I have to be in my life. I think another thing that we kind of like gloss over when it comes to presence is like sometimes that means I have to be in the uncomfortable things. Like I have to sit in the discomfort.

I have to like actually grapple with my self doubt in that moment. Grapple with like I'm comparing to someone and, and this, all of this is like very engaging with my life instead of tuning out, distracting, disassociating, um, escaping. And I think that that was a very important thing for me because it made me treasure the present moment and instead of Avoid it and I also think you know um, it's like it's so many things that are just like everybody says but [00:26:00] everybody says it because It's so helpful, you know, things like journaling.

Journaling is very present. Like, there's really nothing else you can do while you're journaling. Like, you cannot be journaling and then like scrolling on your phone or, you know, and I think right now especially with there being so much attention, so many things that want our attention at any given time.

Anytime we can just like be focused in on one thing that's sort of bringing us back in connection to ourselves, I find that extremely helpful. So journaling, writing my affirmations, and I mean, adopting affirmations and a seriously positive thinking mentality has been so helpful. Like, I mean, I was known as like the complainer in my family.

All right. We'd go on a trip and my mom would Take me aside and be like don't complain the whole time and like that sucks I look back and i'm like man That's not cool of me, you know, and [00:27:00] Granted, I was young and I was whatever, but still, I look back on that and I'm like, I really thought it was cool.

Like, I thought it was cool to be like, sort of over everything and annoyed and frustrated and, and then when I started thinking, I was like, I'm just hurting myself when I'm doing this. And I was like, what's the, if I can believe all the negative things about myself, why can't I believe the positive things?

Like, I don't know why I can't, like, brainwash myself in a way. Like, I've brainwashed myself into the negative things with, like, kind of no evidence, right? I had self doubt, I think, when I was like 10. Where did I get that, you know? Like, I hadn't even done life yet or anything. But it's like, I brainwashed myself into that.

Why can't I sort of do the same thing and, like, lift myself up? And what do I need? Permission from other people to believe that I'm, like, worthy and capable? I don't. So that was a big [00:28:00] thing was coming back to a lot of the basics that I thought I was like, over it, you know, like, uh, journaling and being present and positive thinking.

It's like, well, it keeps coming up because it works. You know, it's like, it's so simple, but really not always easy to adopt.

Kristina: Yeah. Journaling really saved my life. Ups and downs in both ways because I, I just really felt present and, um, I did it daily. I, I read The Artist's Way by Julia Cameron many, many years and, um, took on the three morning pages and I've been interviewed on.

So many times over the years asking, being asked about work life balance, cause I never got burnt out. And the answer is always journaling and they're like, but yeah, but the right thing, like the real thing. And I'm like, no, that is the real thing. It's simple, but it's so effective. And, uh, it just keeps me saying it's where I solved most of my challenges, actually.

Sometimes I have to write about it [00:29:00] for a long time to get it solved, but it's been so helpful. So you talk about get intentional about our lives. What's your thought on how our listeners can really think about that?

Jamie: Yeah. I love this. I mean, I have a whole course called live with intention about, um, becoming more intentional with your life.

Um, I mean, I just think we do a lot of things without really questioning why we're doing them and it might seem like, Oh, that's an overthinking extra step. It's a really important extra step is to think about why is this on my schedule? Cool. Why am I doing this? Why does this matter to me? I mean, there are plenty of things that I feel like people just want.

Because other people want them or they feel pressured to want it And I just see that as that's the basis of comparison That's the basis of where we're at right now of like you just see someone else that has it So then you want it and it's not even Part of it is of course [00:30:00] goods like stuff. We want that too, but it's even like life goals And I feel like I was very unintentional like I was kind of all over the place You To me being intentional is about really simplifying like what matters to me not what matters to The culture or the society or the world that I grew up in But what matters to me, like what's important to me and how can I put in the small steps to get that?

Because like, a lot of times we'll be like, Oh, I'm just procrastinating or I'm not doing it. It's like, maybe you don't want to do it. Maybe that's why, you know, it's like, it shouldn't be that simple. Or you know, maybe you do have fear, but when I started getting more intentional, it was like the best feeling ever to be like, I don't care about this.

Like something that would was like I should do this. I should do this and I was like why why should I do that? And it was like that extra step of being like I'm gonna get [00:31:00] to know myself So like why do you want that and then it'd be like, oh because I think it'll make me prove to this no, it's a you know, like unless it's like a desire born from something like For example, if I don't want to do the process of the goal, I don't really care about the goal.

To me, then the goal is like, I'm just trying to prove to other people that I did it. And to me, that's not enough of a motivation because people don't really care. You know, like you think people are like watching your every move and you're the main character of their lives, but you're not, they're the main character of their own life.

And so it's like, it doesn't really matter. And so I've had to really. Be very intentional about okay Don't like take on something that I really want just because I want the outcome of it Because I know now better I know better now That the outcome is like two [00:32:00] seconds And the work before the outcome and the effort required for that outcome is what you spend your the most time doing.

And so that's part of what I've been intentional about for a very long time is really thinking it through. I'll really listen to my intuition. But then I'll also apply my logic and my thinking to be like, okay, was this my intuition or was this just like, Oh, I saw someone on Tik TOK and I want to, I want that too.

You know, it's like, I gotta be really clear with myself because I don't know. I see people that are, I feel like sometimes they're not in the driver's seat of their own life, and I feel for that. Because, especially with societal pressures, I think a lot of people don't really realize how much there wants.

have been shaped by societal pressures by the media you consume by the [00:33:00] things that you're seeing on social media or the things you grew up watching on TV or in movies and That's a big part of radically content is sort of like unlearning Where it's like, is it society telling you that you need to have this, this, this, and this by a certain age, and a certain time, and a certain this?

Or is it just like, you really want that. And, there's such a different experience when you really want it. You seem to have, an infinite well of patience, but when it's what society wants from you suddenly you have so much impatience and you're falling behind and you don't have it and this And I think that that's really harmful I mean i've seen people i'll see people on the internet be like I feel like a failure I haven't written a book by 25 and i'm like, whoa Who's putting that pressure on you?

You know like that's real young Or people who are like if I haven't made it by 30, I guess it's just over and i'm like that society [00:34:00] That's not you and so I think this is like to me if if we have a very loud And sort of, like, not encouraging societal structure right now. The kind of way to counteract that is, like, be very intentional.

Be intentional about what ideas you let into your head. What you consume. What you take on as, like, part of your to do list. And, you know, because if you're living, like, sort of by the needs of other people, It's probably gonna be cool for like a year or two, and then I, I think that's when like burnout massively happens because we're not being fed by that.

Like you don't get nourished by fulfilling a societal checklist, even though that's what we're told, but you really don't, and it will always feel like kind of something is missing. There's an actual, tangible part of that, of like, yes, what you're doing with your time and your day. [00:35:00] And then, to me, there's a, like, sort of more metaphysical, emotional part of it, too, of like, Are you intentional with the, with the ideas you're ingesting?

Are you intentional with the things that you're permitting to be part of your belief system that you get to create? Like you have the power as humans, what's, what's incredible is our consciousness. We have the power to create our own belief system. We can change our mind. And I'm like, I don't see, I see enough people wielding that power for themselves.

And so that's really like, for me, it's, it's a big part of my philosophy of just keeping myself sane. Cause like, honestly, if you listen to. A lot of the societal pressures, you're just, you're never good enough. My self doubt wasn't, like, from me. It was from the world. And I take responsibility for it. I'm not saying, like, blame, [00:36:00] but it's just, like, I didn't choose to doubt myself.

I would not have chosen that. I didn't, I didn't choose to, like, loathe myself. I was taught to do that. And so, if I kept going and wasn't intentional about what I consume, I'd just continue to loathe and doubt myself, which, like, just feels like a betrayal of myself. So, that's what I mean when I say I'm intentional.

I mean, I don't know that I go as much into the book about that in that specific wording. That's sort of, like, some things that I've learned along the way since I've written it, but it's in there.

Kristina: I love it. And another thing that I love is the importance of self compassion that you talk about in the book.

So how do you practice that for yourself? As

Jamie: someone who like did not have self compassion at all, literally my own worst enemy, I was a jerk to myself. It's like I really had to teach it. You know, I'm sure you know, like [00:37:00] it's a practice. It's such a practice with self compassion. It's like meeting. All of those thoughts that are of that loathing and doubting and even self hatred and meeting them in a different way each time until it becomes automatic.

And now, I don't know, I guess I see myself as my friend. That's the easiest way I can say it, is like, I treat myself like a friend. I see that there is another thing that helps, because I feel like a lot of times we hear things of like, oh, you should journal, or you should do this, or you should do this, but we don't really say why.

Like, what does it do? And so it's like, with self compassion, The alternative was that I was just so mean to myself that I didn't get anywhere. So it's like, it's not even like that's a worthy payoff. I think a lot of people are afraid of self compassion because it goes back to that idea that they're going to become complacent or they're not, you know, like you got to be like militant and hard on [00:38:00] yourself and otherwise you're not going to do your potential.

And I just don't think that that's true at all. I, I think that self love works better. I think self compassion works better. Even look at like, if you study, um, employee rates at like corporations, if they're treated better and given positive reinforcement, they work harder. And if we think about that with ourselves, How do we function and thrive?

For the most part, I would say the majority of people function and thrive when they're given positive reinforcement. Therefore, why would I wait for someone else to give me positive reinforcement when I could just give it to myself? I could just do that for me, as a gift. And it, of course, it takes, there's trauma, there's things, I'm not saying it's like, Snap and it just works, but it's an ongoing practice and I just now see that there there was never something [00:39:00] Positive that came out of me being so hard on myself It was more that I just got further away from what I wanted or who I wanted to become and the people that I love and all this it just it really has Kind of ongoing effects and I also think socially especially for women.

It's really promoted for women to be this hard on themselves, to be so sacrificial to others. We hear it all the time, like celebrated, like, oh, she never put herself first. I mean, I don't think that that's something we should be constantly celebrating. And of course, I'm not saying be like totally selfish.

Well, I mean, sometimes, but it's like, I don't know that that's something that we should be. Telling women to do all the time is like, always put yourself aside and always, you know, lift other people up, but who lifts you up? I guess I saw that growing up a lot. I saw a lot of women in my [00:40:00] family and around me very hard on themselves, like they never had a kind word for themselves.

And I was like, man, this is hard to watch even as a kid. I was like, this is hard to watch I don't know like I was a pretty precocious little kid. I was like, man, this is rough And I took it on and then now i've learned to not do that because I just don't see how that's benefiting me or anyone else.

That's not my gift to the world, is me being completely unaware of the gifts that I bring to, you know, the world. Like, that's just, who's that benefiting? So I think that's very important and compassion is everything. I don't think it's led me astray, ever.

Kristina: No. No. I think we should all be our own best friends, because I think then we create better work, we create better environments, and I completely agree.

The [00:41:00] other chapter that I love is about freedom of consistency, and you already said that in the beginning. Can you please share a little bit about your experience when it comes to consistency? Because I'm, I'm sorry for that as well. It's also a hard one to do when you are trying something new.

Jamie: Yeah, so I tried to be consistent for a very long time and that's even going back to I thought like forcing myself and like hating myself into it like oh, you're the worst if you don't do this I thought that would work Surprise surprise it didn't the only way that I was able to really finally be consistent without Really forcing myself was like showing myself It was an act of love and devotion and that you know If you have something that really matters to you most likely the way that you can bring that into fruition is gonna be through consistent effort like There's just not a lot of to get around that.

Even the people who are like, [00:42:00] I have the quickest fix you can find. It's like, usually it's consistency. I think instead of loving the idea of quick fixes and easy and all of this, I started to just feel a real sense of like ownership and pride over my ability to be consistent and what was really important to me.

Was that for some reason When I was being consistent when I was focused on being consistent instead of like I have to be perfect my self doubt really got quiet, you know, and so it was a very interesting thing to notice that because The more that I was consistent, and the more that I was showing up for myself, that self doubt was just like, it had nothing to say.

I was like, what now? You know, like almost like kind of like battling it a little bit, like hmm, what do you have to say now? And that was fascinating to me. Like I really, because I think the way that it started was, I was just like, [00:43:00] it started with journaling, actually. Because to me that was like a very low pressure way, and I think it was the morning pages.

It might have been something like that, or maybe I discovered the morning pages after that. There was something in there, and I was like, just journal. Just do it. Don't think about it. Don't sit there and be like, should I journal or should I not? It's like, it's the lowest stakes thing you could do. You don't have to be good at journaling.

It's like literally, write a page and crumple it up and throw it in a shredder. It doesn't matter. It doesn't have to be good. You know, and so, for me, that was really important because I have this absolute fear of not being perfect at things right away. Um, which I've since, I don't have that fear anymore.

I now embrace the bad at the beginning. Like, I love that. I, because I'm like, ooh, I get to improve. Like I love being bad at first. It's so freeing. I'm just like, I can just be bad at [00:44:00] something and then work at it. That's crazy. It's amazing. Um, and so with the journaling, how that started was I was just like, just do it, you know, and I felt as I forced, I kind of did have to force myself in a way.

I mean, it wasn't like painful forcing. It was more like You made a commitment, stick to the commitment, you know, and then as, as people know, when they start getting consistent, you start to kind of get like addicted to it. You're like 10 days in a row, like you start tracking it. You're getting really excited.

Like the pages of the journal, for example, you're like, Whoa, I'm actually like, I might need a new journal. This is so cool. I filled it. I filled it. Um, and so that's, I was like, Whoa, I didn't know you could like get a high from this. You know, I thought like, oh, it's so boring. I don't want to be consistent.

I'm going to live the same day over and over. It's like, it's really not. First of all, going to sleep and not having a [00:45:00] crushing symphony of like, you're not enough, you didn't do enough, you didn't do it, you didn't, another day, you didn't do it. I was like, it was gone. And I was like, just from showing up to that one thing, I was like, damn, that's so easy.

Now it became easy because of that, you know. And it only takes like being inconsistent for like a week or two for me to be reminded of how important it is to be consistent because I start having that sort of like anxiety and I start, I don't trust myself as much. I lose my connection to myself and I'm like, that's not worth it to me.

So I'd rather just keep it going. And then now, you know, I'm at a certain point now where, It's very easy for me to be consistent. You know, about things that I really want to do. That's where the intention comes in because when I avoid it, I know I'm like, well, I'm trying to do something I don't really want to do, but when I really want to do it, when I know that it's You know, [00:46:00] like I just finished a novel, and um, I sent it to my editor back in April, and that was the first time I'd ever written a novel on a deadline for a publisher.

And I had a little bit of trepidation about it, you know, because I was like, this is a deadline. Like, wow, I've never done that before. You know, it felt like, kind of like, this was the, because it was only like my, my I wrote a novel before Main Character Energy, and then I wrote Main Character Energy, and then it was published.

You know, that's kind of, a lot of people usually have, have more books under their belt before they get published. But so I kind of felt like I was like, I'm throwing myself into the deep end here, and I did it. I was like, okay, I know how to do this. Like, I know the time of day where I work best. I know the amount of time where it's, I got two hours in me, and that'll be enough.

I kind of, You know, did the math. I know what I need to do in the rest of the day to sort of, like, [00:47:00] replenish and refresh and get back to, and I turned it in on time, and I thought that was the most astonishing thing ever, because I was, like, not a good student growing up, at all. I wasn't a good student in college, either.

Like, I missed a lot of class. I just was not, just not a very consistent person. I feel like that's why a lot of my work really resonates with people, because a lot of times you're, you can kind of tell when, like, that's just how someone naturally is. You know, like some people, they have to learn how to like rest and chill.

And because they're so routinized and so ritualized and habitual. And I'm like, that was not my problem. Like I needed to learn how to like actually Sit down and do it over and over and over and not get discouraged. Not let like a bad day of writing kind of like get in my way. I think that recognizing that when I know [00:48:00] that like I've got it.

I'm going to be consistent. I'm going to show up on the time that I'm going to show up on and recognizing how much my anxiety does not get triggered and I'm not thinking about it constantly. It really like opened up a lot for me and it made me able to like dream bigger. I could say like, Yeah, I can do that, or yeah, I'll take that on, or yep, you got something, like, I need to put on my calendar six months from now, I'll handle it.

I mean, or even just being able to say yes to a book deal and write a book and write a novel under a deadline and be very proud of what I did, and it's like, oh, okay, so now I can think at a different level. I think when you can't be consistent, people maybe don't realize you fit yourself into the container that you think you can only be inside, right?

And then you only, you won't stretch [00:49:00] outside of that because you're like, if you can't trust yourself, it's really hard to start. Thinking bigger to think beyond the self doubt like I mean because now I remember there are many days When I had self doubt when I was writing this this novel recently, you know, it's like, all right I know what you're doing.

I know it's fear. I know it's just showing up, but I have a way to go about this I know that if I sit down and I write even if I write 200 words I'll feel better that knowledge is confidence Thanks You know, like sometimes it's like confidence can be in the mind. And then a lot of times, though, what we really understate is that confidence really does get born in the action.

It's hard to think yourself into confidence. And, and that's why I think a lot of people get frustrated. is because we are kind of told you could think your way into confidence. You can [00:50:00] like think your way into self love and it's like sometimes you have to take action. I feel more confident in my abilities now that I know I can be consistent.

Because even if for some reason I get way over my head, I know how to be diligent and put my head down and focus and figure it out. Like I do not worry about that. But if you don't know that about yourself yet, That could be felt as not feeling confident, and that's okay, because there's like a pathway to feeling more confident.

And so that's why I think of consistency as such a freedom giving thing, because it's like, it alleviates a lot of the things that maybe I thought I had to kind of like, Reconcile or heal or do in my head and I was like no Like before I started writing this novel that I just finished I was like there was obviously some like energy of doubt and all of that [00:51:00] Building and instead of being like no like I'm gonna do I'm not gonna make it, you know I'm giving in to all those fears I was like, this is just a thing you don't know that you can do yet.

All right, let's just give it a shot, you know, like it's just a thing you don't know. And I think women are not always given that chance to, either to themselves or from other people that like, there is a perception that we need to be perfect at things, and if not, like, don't do it. Whereas I think like men get to Stumble and fail and try and experiment more like there's much more like leeway Probably there's I mean, there's obviously like a million different reasons for that Not all of them are actually good or you know valuable at all But for me, it's empowering to know what's like, I'm up against in terms of like societal pressures and societal kind of things that I've ingested as truth, quote unquote.

[00:52:00] Um, so yeah, I, I think that that's the big thing for me with consistency is it feels like kind of taking my power back from. Believing that like I must be perfect or unless you're perfect, don't show up. And I'm like, no, I'm going to show up like imperfect. I'm going to show up just as myself and meet myself where I'm at and then just see where it goes because I know where to, what to do from this position.

And I actually know there's a game plan. Like I almost feel like sometimes I think of myself as like an athlete in a sense, like a creative athlete, you know, I'm like, they just practice. That's what they do. Even an athlete that maybe doesn't have that prodigal talent, they practice. And they work at it.

And I'm like, I can do the same thing. Like by day one of writing something or working on something, not great. Day 100, I'm in a flow. Like I'm in a total flow even before that.

Kristina: But still. [00:53:00] I have you saying progress or perfection because I'm like you. easily to, to go for perfection. But the other thing that I have learned over the years is to just show up for two minutes.

So, uh, and I think especially if we have big dreams and big goals or a project that feels Big and overwhelming just to show up for two minutes. So I often set my alarm for like two minutes. I'm just going to start. And it was funny. I did something today that I was like, it was on my list for a long time.

And I was like, and when I started, I was like, Oh, this is nothing. It's sometimes the hardest part is

Jamie: just starting. It really is. That's where I got stuck every single time. And then starting and not feeling like I was where I wanted to be yet. Like it didn't. flow and sound or do the thing that I wanted it to do yet.

And so I would go, okay, well, I'm not ready. And it's like, no, you're just shaking off the cobwebs. You know, like, it's not that you're not ready. It's [00:54:00] that you're just gotta kind of get past that initial, ah, the nerves and the, like the fear and the doubt. And I love that. I mean, I think I started most of my things from like, okay, just give it 10 minutes.

You got 10 minutes, you can do that. You know, and then I just, and then I would be like, it turned into all these things. So yeah, I'm, I'm a big proponent of like, start as small, like start as small as like, that's the easiest thing in the world for you to do consistently. And then, and people will go, Oh no, but I want to make this big change.

It's like, start with small. And that momentum that you build by doing two minutes. three times a week or something will be enough to repel you to the next thing. Yeah,

Kristina: I love it. I love it. I've got a couple of shorter questions now. One is, um, what's your morning routine if you have one?

Jamie: I have a very simple morning routine.

I [00:55:00] just have breakfast, And I do, I write like a page of the same affirmations that I have kind of constructed for that season of my life and take them in and then I'm done. Like I, I'm not a big two hour morning routine person because I just feel like I want to do the most effective thing I can do in that moment.

And then I have other routines that I do, but that's just my morning. Anytime I try to add anything more. It feels too long. I feel like I gotta go. I'm like, I'm stuck in the morning routine instead of the morning routine supposed to like energize me for the rest of the day that I have other things to do.

Um, like my purpose in life is not to be in, in my morning routine for five hours is kind of how I think of

Kristina: it. I'd love it. And, um, what's your favorite nonfiction book or a book that had a big impact on your life? [00:56:00]

Jamie: Okay, two. I gotta go with two. But yeah, Big Magic. Massive impact. Actually, I probably am gonna go with three.

Okay, Big Magic was huge. Um, all of Steven Pressfield's books, like The War of Art, his way of talking about resistance, it was the biggest light that went on Ever. I was just so, so blown away by that. Um, and then I remember that when I read a return to love by Marianne Williamson, when I was in college, that book absolutely blew me away.

I had not thought of life that way at all, but I mean, there's been so many that have impacted my life, but those are like big magic. Definitely. The seeds that that book planted, because I didn't like get to writing right away after that, but the seeds that it planted when I did start eventually [00:57:00] writing, I was like, wow, that book was a gift.

Like that book really got me thinking about things in a really different way. So, it's incredible. I love, I mean, I love books, obviously. Love books so much.

Kristina: Me too. All right. The last question I have is knowing what you know now, what kind of advice would you give to yourself, say when you're in your late teens, early twenties?

Oh,

Jamie: I mean, I just think so much of it was necessary, but so that's hard. Cause I'm like, well, I had to learn all that. I think the thing that comes up is like, I guess, like love the journey more. Like I was so hard on myself. I mean, I was in my, I was 20 and already felt like I was behind and it's like behind on what, you know, like just embrace the journey because looking back, I mean, even though my 20s were a little bit turbulent and I [00:58:00] just like love her.

I love her. I mean, she did. She lived I mean she had but so by the time I was in my 30s I was like wow I did a lot in my 20s like that was a big Decade and I like look back with very fond memories And so I just wish that in that moment in my 20s in college Traveling all the things that I did. I wish I was more There in it instead of I should be in a different place because now I'm like you were exactly where you're meant to be You It all happened the way that it was meant to be.

And I wish I could tell her that and let her breathe more easily and just be in all those incredible adventures that I had.

Kristina: I love that. Thank you so much for first writing a really inspiring book that I just can't wait to read with the Dream Life community. So thank you for that. But also thank you for taking the time to come on the podcast.

I know you're troubling, so [00:59:00] I really, really appreciate it. And It's been such a inspiring hour and I'll know that our listeners can't wait to listen. So thank you so much.

Jamie: Thank you so much for having me and yeah, I'm curious what, you know, how it'll go for the book club. That's really cool. Like I, I think that's, it's a good book to discuss.

I'm sure it'll bring up some really good conversations. Absolutely. I will let you know.

Kristina: Yeah, please do. Wow. That was so inspiring. I hope you are inspired too. And if you are and want to implement some of these tools in your own life, please join me in August in my book club grow, where we will be reading Jamie's book, but not just read it.

I will be on zoom weekly and we'll discuss the book, implement what resonates and discuss it. I can't wait. If you want to join, just head to your dreamlifestartshere. com or I will link to it in the show notes as well. As always, I will be back on Monday with a new Monday Morning Motivation episode. I'll see you [01:00:00] then.



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