#250 - RE-IGNITION: FINDING POWER WHEN YOU FEEL FLAT, TIRED & UNINSPIRED, with Chris Helder

 

Hi there and welcome back 😊

In this inspiring episode we dive deep into the revitalizing philosophy of Chris Helder, a renowned speaker and author who found himself at a personal and professional crossroads. And it's something I relate to so well from my personal experience.

Facing the aftershocks of the global pandemic and personal turmoil, Chris crafted a transformative approach to not only overcome these hurdles but to also inspire others to reignite their own lives.

Expect to uncover four pivotal insights:

•   The power of acceptance as a foundation for transformation.
•   The crucial role of personal responsibility in crafting your destiny.
•   Gaining a new perspective on life’s challenges to foster resilience.
•   The joy and necessity of re-engaging with the world to fuel your inner spark.

 

By the end of this episode, you'll be equipped with actionable strategies to confront adversities head-on and harness the strength to dream again.

Whether you're feeling stuck or simply in need of a motivational boost, Chris's journey and insights offer a compelling roadmap to reclaiming a life filled with passion, purpose, and positivity.

Tune in to transform the way you face challenges and rekindle your dreams.

As always, I’d LOVE to hear what resonates with you from this episode and what you plan to implement after listening in. So please share and let’s keep the conversation going in the Dream Life Podcast Facebook Group here.    

Have a wonderful weekend …and remember, it all starts with a dream 💛

Enjoy!

Kristina 💛

Dream Life Founder 

SHOW NOTES:

• Join my Platinum Coaching Program - where in May the focus is on the Power of Our Subconscious Minds - and where Chris will join us as our Superstar Speaker. Learn more here.
• Buy Chris’s book: Re-Ignition: Finding Power When You Feel Flat, Tired and Uninspired
• Link to Chris’s website here...
• Learn more & register here for our SOLITUDE RETREAT (HOW TO)
  🌿 Unveil the Art of Solitude: Learn how to run your own personal solo retreats – while on retreat with Kristina 🌿 
• Learn more & register here for our FIJI REINVENT YOU RETREAT. Embark on a transformative journey guided by Kristina Karlsson, Sarah Pirie-Nally, Nicole Hatherly, and Shaynna Blaze.
• Join my virtual book club GROW for May where we'll meet weekly on Zoom to discuss and squeeze the learnings from Robin Sharma's brilliant new book, The Wealth Money Can't Buy (which explores true wealth beyond financial success). Learn more here…
• Buy Robin Sharma's new book The Wealth Money Can't Buy here...
• Read more about how to create your own solo retreat here...

RESOURCES:

• Sign up to our email list here to hear about upcoming workshops.
• Join our Habit Club. It's easy to start a new habit, but harder to make it stick!  Get the inspiration and support network you need to successfully build new habits into your life.
• Take your first step to getting clarity on what you want from life with this free bonus dreaming exercise here 101 Dreams Audio Guide 
• Buy Kristina's book, Your Dream Life Starts Here

TRANSCRIPT:

Hi there and welcome back to another episode. I wanted to ask you, are you ready to power up your life? Do you want to reignite your spark?  Let's face it, we all feel flat, tired, and uninspired at times. Me included.  Often it can seem like our inner flame has burnt out.  For my guest today, and keynote speaker bestselling author, When a global pandemic and near death of his partner, Amanda, dragged Chris to his lowest point, he realized the useful belief philosophy that he lives his life by simply wasn't enough.

 

He needed a re admission.  A new way to relight his inner spark and start dreaming again.  So today, Chris will guide us through the powerful re ignition process so you can immediately take charge of your situation and tackle life with an adventure mindset.  And take radical responsibility for your part in the adversities you face.

 

You will also gain clarity and perspective and harness the power of useful belief.  And rediscover the joys of engaging with the world. And the last bit is my favorite, to start dreaming again. If you stopped.  Cree's unique five step re ignition process will help you stop feeling flat, tired, and uninspired.

 

So you can dream big and restore power and passion to your life. It's time to fire up and start living again.  Chris Helder is a professional speaker and an author from Australia. He's known for his expertise in the areas of communication, leadership, and influence, and he's working with many high profile clients around the world.

 

He is also author of several books. Chris is known for his incredible, energetic, engaging presentation style and his ability to connect with his audience. And I am so excited that Chris is going to be our superstar speaker in May in the coaching program. I love this because his theme in May is to work on our subconscious mind and belief, which is Chris very, very much.

 

Expertise is very much part of that. It's going to be such a great month because having done a lot of work on my own subconscious mind has simply been amazing  and something that I didn't expect to be so powerful when it comes to  creating my own dream life. So I want to share. All that in May, if you want to join a link to the coaching program in show notes, or just head over to dream life starts here, but let's get started.

 

And here is the incredible episode with Chris Helder. Hi,

 

Chris, and a very warm welcome to my podcast. I'm so excited to have you.

 

Ah, Kristina, it's so great to, we've made this happen. We finally have come together to actually make this podcast a reality. So it's a wonderful, wonderful. 

 

So good. I had the privilege to see you not only once, but twice this year.

 

And Love your  keynote. But today we're going to talk about your book, your new book. And I can't wait to do that. But before we, we jump into that, I want to ask you, did you have a dream as a kid, something you wanted to do or become or have? 

 

Oh, well, I was crazy. Well, I was a baseball player growing up.

 

My, my goal was to be a professional baseball player. That's all I wanted to do. I grew up in America. And that was it. In fact, I was a baseball coach and later in life. And but no, I, I literally, that's what I wanted to be when I was a kid. 

 

I love it. I love it. So congratulations on your new book.

 

How do you say it in American? So, cause I'll say it in my Swedish way. It might not sound as impressive.

 

Re ignition.  You say in your Swedish way, it's better. 

 

No, I just thought I have a bit of a, a little bit of a laugh because I love the American accent. So re ignition is all about finding power when you feel flat, tired and uninspired.

 

And with everyone listening, I'm hoping that no one will feel that because it's the beginning of a new year. Saying that there is always times in our lives where we feel more or less like that. So I'd love to actually just start with why did you write this book?

 

Well, I really do think there was probably some combination of the reaction to the pandemic, to world events, to cost of living increases, to interest rate rises, and, and everybody probably being in a place where.

 

Maybe they were a little more conscious of feeling a little bit flat. And I think the world has changed a little bit. I mean, you know, the struggle of working from home and and less connection and, you know, and then my own personal story about as a speaker, my business, obviously as a speaker for about four years, you know, pandemic, and then sort of recovery of pandemic, you know, has been very start, stop, start, stop after.

 

You know, having an incredible run from the decade before. So, you know, I found myself feeling a little flat. I found myself feeling tired at times. And I found myself feeling a little uninspired. And, and I think for me, it was really about really looking at what is the process that we go through.  And the more I talked about it with people, that's what people wanted.

 

They were like, Chris, I'm feeling that way, but tell me what to do. Like tell me what's the process to follow to get out of this? Like, don't just give me rah rah. I want to know what are the steps. And, you know, I think that's what I was really able to deliver in this book.

 

Yeah, absolutely. And you should certainly have maybe talk a little bit about the thing you went through over COVID because you were like me in Melbourne and it was a bit of a hard, hard time for a lot of us.

 

So just talk a little bit about your story, what happened over COVID for you.

 

Well,  yeah, I found myself bouncing back and forth. And obviously we were a little unusual in Australia versus the rest of the world in that we locked the borders of the States. Now that made things a little bit challenging for me.

 

Cause I live part time in Queensland and part time in Melbourne. However, I ended up doing the lockdowns in Melbourne because obviously once we got there, I was, I was stuck there and my partner, my, my partner. Now fiance was living in Queensland. So yes, I ended up in a situation where I was locked up sort of by myself.

 

And you, you know, as well as I do, it felt like, I think we did 262 days of lockdown and it felt like it rained every day. I don't, I don't know if that's accurate, but, but. My front door opened to a park, which was covered in police tape. And they'd taken the swing, sat down and other guy, I don't know it.

 

We had 9 PM curfews and we had 5k radiuses that we were not allowed to go past. And I do think it was different than everywhere else. And I, and I think I was stuck in Melbourne. And as you've heard from my keynote. My beautiful partner, Amanda Stevens, who, Hey, my fiance, Amanda Stevens, I should say you know, she, I mean, she's an incredible speaker, an incredible human, and we got stuck away from each other.

 

And then Amanda got sick. And as I talk about in the story here, I was sort of with a business blown up and you know, sort of wrapping up the last of the financial side of a divorce, which was very hard to go through. And, you know, watching my teenage boys. Really not be able to go to school and really all of a sudden they're stuck on a computer.

 

You know, I had athletes that just missed years of sports really in Melbourne. I mean, they missed two years of sports with my boys.  And then Amanda gets sick. And then on top of everything, she gets diagnosed with something called septicemia. And it was she was up in Queensland and I was in Melbourne.

 

And sepsis is horrible. And when you bring it up to people, you don't realize how many people have known someone that died from sepsis. It's a blood infection. And next thing we knew, the doctor was saying to me out of nowhere, 48 hours, she went from having gastro and in a matter of 48 hours, we were I was talking to the doctors, he was saying, we've got one more shot we're going to do one more antibiotic.

 

And if not, we'll have massive organ failure in the morning. That was incredible. And I remember at that point, you know, obviously good news, you know, spoiler alert, she survived and, and now it's remains this powerhouse and it's back. And, and so many people lose limbs. She didn't lose any limbs. She really, you know, it's back, but what a thing where it was just like one thing after another, after another, after another, and I think, you know, It really did feel overwhelming.

 

And, and that's what I really decided. I've, you know, listen, I was at my lowest point and I motivate people for living and I speak for a living. Yeah. I was at a low point and we've talked about it, Kristina. I was, and I think for me, probably the way my brain works is I want to figure out not only how I can come out of this, but how can I help other people come out of this and, and.

 

I'm a big believer that we do the speeches that we need to hear. And I think we read the, we write the books that we need to, we need to read.

 

Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. And and first, you know, what an incredible journey and and out of all these horrific times and I went through a challenging time in a different way over COVID and there is always silver linings.

 

And I think the book for you here is the silver lining cause you can help others. So let's get into talking about the steps. Let's start with the first step, which is acceptance. And I think that one is probably the hardest. Because as entrepreneurs and people who are into moving on really quickly, it's really quite hard to accept the reality if you can't do anything about it, because I think both of us are really, you know, we fix things and we do things and that acceptance is a really important part.

 

Speak about that, please.

 

Kristina, I think it is the most challenging part for someone who's super successful because the reality is. Everything that you've worked for all of a sudden might have just changed. And when everything you've worked for is all of a sudden just changed, you're like, Oh my God, how am I no longer in control of this situation?

 

And I had total control and you know, probably the majority of people who are, are successful and have been successful, you know, as you and I've been successful and are successful.  I think control is a big part of that. We want to control that process. And then when we find ourselves out of control. It's hard to accept.

 

So I told the story in my keynote and I was mad. I said, I was mad at the government. I was mad at everybody. I was frustrated. The situation I was blown away that this happened because I used to think about what could possibly stop me, Kristina. And I used to think, Oh, I don't know, maybe I'll get throat cancer or something, something horrible.

 

I don't, I don't know, but I've never, ever considered a pandemic. Never crossed my mind that that would blow my business apart. This business that I've built and speaking that I was doing.  And so when we started to come back, I was not an acceptance. I was what I call zero  because stage one is acceptance.

 

This was zero. I tell the story about my son and I sitting outside and me saying, I'm frustrated because it started getting a little bit and then not as much. And my, my son, who's graduating from university of Melbourne, who's wise beyond his years, looked at me and he said, you know what I think it is, Dan?

 

I think you're trying to climb the same ladder.  He said, and the hard thing for you is, is you're actually climbing the same ladder and actually you're climbing a ladder that you've already climbed. And that must be so frustrating. Because it's harder to climb that same ladder.  He said, what would it look like?

 

Here's my little university aged son saying to me, What would it look like if you climbed a different ladder?  And lightning struck. It was like, how in the world? From the mouths of babes, or one of my babes anyway, but obviously not a babe, but a twenty something. But you know, sometimes you can't climb the same ladder.

 

If you've been in crisis for whatever reason, it's time to find the new ladder and you climb it differently. And all of a sudden I have a different focus, you know, and actually what I realized was the old ladder was actually even a little bit, probably toxic for me in that it was about it was focused on myself.

 

I was loving big audiences and book signings and loving applause and loving all the admiration that went with it. And you know, the truth is I went, hang on for me to actually climb this new ladder. Let's make a shift. Let's really just think about people. Let's really get out there and help people. And I don't know, it just, all of a sudden I was no longer mad at the government.

 

I was like, I mean, I didn't think they were great, but like, you know, I was no longer mad. I was no longer mad about a pandemic that I couldn't control and no one else could either, or that people weren't having conferences. I have to say. All of a sudden I just accepted where we were and I accepted that I was going to start this new process and start this new, but I realized this.

 

So many people don't accept and when you don't accept, you're stuck and you're at zero. In fact, even us, I've talked to people about this and they say, yeah, I know Chris acceptance is the first step, but you don't understand about my ex husband. And I'm like, ah, no, you're actually a zero. No, I do like, I do understand about your ex husband.

 

He's not going to change by the way. Like, it's a zero situation. So moving to acceptance being that first step. Really exciting because all of a sudden you go, okay, here's what I'm playing with and now what am I going to do? And it does start the journey and it really does. And it's only the starting point that's step one.

 

Yeah, absolutely. And you know, something that I think, I think you mentioned it over the weekend and it's good to, to talk about it here for our listeners is that when we go through things, it will take a bit of time before you get to acceptance. So for example, for me losing my business.  That took me a while to accept because even when, you know, it was a decision made by our shareholders and the private equity that was controlling the business, they were the one who made that  final decision.

 

And in the end, like I just worked, like I was up all that 24 hours before I just did not want to accept it. And I think that's what we entrepreneurs are. And even like in any area of life, and if you just don't want to let it go. In my case, that was the business. But for me, the business was so much bigger than a business.

 

It was a family for me. So I just could not accept it. And then when it happened, and then it took me a couple of years to kind of work out what that was. I was grieving, I was angry, I was frustrated, all the things that you've spoken about. But I think that's really important for anyone listening. You don't go from horrific times to to just acceptance straight away.

 

It's a bit of a process.

 

I'm so glad you brought that up, Kristina, because I have had people, you know, through this process say to me, well, if something bad happens, you can't just go blue acceptance. I mean, no. And I, as I said on the weekend, I believe Greece is a huge, important part of any process. And it's okay to be a zero, right?

 

But there's, you know, we all are going to be a zero when we're like, I can't accept this. I can't believe this is happening. I'm actually in disbelief for whatever reason. If we're going to ignite this, whether this is a relationship or this is a business or where this is probably most importantly, our own self empowerment journey and go, I'm actually grieving right now and I'm not quite ready.

 

That's okay. But there comes a point. There comes a point, right, that you wake up, or you get your son to tell you a ladder story, but there comes a point, for whatever reason,  you all of a sudden wake up. And when you wake up, now, boom, this is not how I'm going to spend the rest of my life. And that time frame, that's not a, that's not a prescriptive time frame.

 

That can be, for some people, they can have a trauma, and in a couple months, they're starting to rebuild themselves. Others, it may take them a couple years. Either way, that's Hey, life is precious. Life is short. It comes a point where we need to decide, bang, I'm accepting my situation and let's, let's start heading down this path.

 

Yeah, absolutely. Yeah. And I think the, the grief is so, is so different for everyone, obviously also depending on what it is, but also from person to person. So my partner, he, he dealt. With losing the business very differently to, to me and for much longer. And we just have to do whatever is right for us and find that path.

 

But the good thing is, I guess for me, with having been so into personal development and coaching and always working on myself, I think that was one thing that, you know, it paid back. Having the tools to deal with that, and that's the silver lining in my stories. Now that I can, I feel like. If I can go through what I've gone through, then I can, you know, share that and help other people doing the same.

 

So let's talk about the next step, which is responsibility. So once you've gone through the grief and taken your time to deal with it, then it's time to, as you said, there's a point and you then need to take on responsibility. And I think in your book, you say there is no silver bullet, which of course we all know you must do the work.

 

And I love to talk about that for our listeners, how they can do that. 

 

Now, that's great. And yeah, I mean, second step, total radical responsibility. And I had some amazing insights in my own personal journey out of crisis, out of divorce, out of business blow up, out of those things. And so many people live in blame, right there.

 

They blame their parents, they blame their background, they blame some situation, and they're in victim mode. And we know this, and we hear it every day. In fact, you know, so much of our society even celebrates the  And you know, if it wasn't for this person, if it wasn't for my background, if it wasn't for that, look, you know, it really is so easy.

 

It's easy to not take responsibility. That's really the easier choice.  But this is my take home. And I got to tell you, if this is all somebody took from your, from mine and our discussion today,  it'll change their life,  taking total radical responsibility for your situation. Once you've had acceptance.  And owning it for real.

 

Ready? This is big. Gives you freedom. People think it's the opposite. People think, well, I have freedom when I blame everyone else. Cause I don't have to take any responsibility, but it's the opposite. Because once you just stop doing that and own it and go, this is what happened to me. Oh, I'm taking responsibility.

 

This is what I did. I'm going to take responsibility. This was my circumstance. Then I was out of my control, but I'm going to take my response. You're actually going,  all right, then now it's on to me.  I don't have to look to other people. I can actually go. Yes. Okay. Let's do this. Like, what are we doing?

 

This is on me. Now I'll wake up every day and my life is my life. There's power in that, you know, there's joy in that there's freedom in that there's less judgment from everybody else. I'm doing me, I'm doing my thing. And, you know, we spend so much time worried about what everybody thinks. And you know, it was, it was very simple to me.

 

I looked at it, I said, I had lost some of my.  As I said before, on the previous ladder, I think I had lost maybe a real core value system. I just came up with it. I talked about it on the weekend, the Mount Rushmore, which is very American, but the Mount Rushmore, which is the four president's heads. But what are the four key things?

 

And I said, what's my Mount Rushmore values? I just want four, right? And I can sit on the side of a mountain. I could look at him anytime I want the four values, my Mount Rushmore of values. And for me, it just became really simple. It's like family, you know, Amanda, I mean, our four boys now, you know, like family, boom, that's one, you know, then looking at just this idea of family freedom.

 

And when I put freedom on my list. I just meant we live in a world where we're so easily judged and we live on these things, right? And Hey, how many likes did I get? And you know, accept it and just freedom from that. I just, I'm doing me. I'm going to put myself out there. And if people want to judge that, that's up to them.

 

It's not going to be something that I'll have to worry about. And I think.  Service being my third value and really thinking about going out there, you know, family, freedom, service. And I say that I just mean to give and to feel the joy. I mean, one of the things I talk about all the time is that if you ever feel bad about yourself, just go do something nice for someone.

 

And actually just watch how that changes, watch how that changes your mood.  And then I think the last one really is, I guess, what I consider my circle, my tribe, my people, my friends. How we support that and also, I think, is part of Total Radical Responsibility is, is not to continue to get sucked into toxic relationships and really think about, hang on, I'm going to take responsibility for my relationships.

 

The definition of a toxic person is a person that makes you feel worse about yourself after you spend time with them than before you did. And, you know, there's a post COVID idea, like, I mean, Toxic Friends, really, just so 2019, don't you think? Like, like, we're done! We're done with that! I'm sick of that!

 

Like, I don't want that! Like, at the end of the day, this is our life, and we're going to maximize, we're going to go out there and make a difference. And I want to go out there and I want to have family and deal with those people and friends, and we're going to, we're going to have service and we're going to go out there and serve people and we're going to have freedom.

 

We're not going to worry about it. And you know, I think what you really come away with is joy. Just overwhelming joy to take total responsibility to be free, that if something goes wrong, and by the way, Hey, stuff goes wrong all the time.  If that's okay, I'll take responsibility for it. Also, Hey, the other thing I've minimized, this would be my only other point that I want to make on total responsibility.

 

It gives you freedom, but also, hey, I've also turned down the guilt dial a lot, right? So it's like, when it doesn't work out, I'll also take responsibility. But that doesn't mean I gotta go curl in a ball and feel guilty about it. It just means I, I don't know, I'm livin me! And it didn't work out, and man, I had a crack.

 

I don't know, it cost me some money, or it didn't, or whatever. Well, I'm turning that guilt dial down. So I think that probably helps everybody as well.

 

Oh, absolutely. And you know, it's it's the same way that I was thinking about it. Cause as I said to you before we started that I I went to see Richard Branson today and I love the way he's thinking so big and dreaming about whatever he wants to.

 

And then I decided to walk home. It's probably about an hour and 20 minutes.  and my first thought was like, that's a bit of a waste of time because mornings is my most productive time. But then I thought I get so much joy out of walking and it was beautiful morning and I when you've seen someone so inspiring, plus we had the weekend  together up in Nusa and it was So inspiring.

 

So many incredible people. And I just wanted to have that space. And I think that's what comes like taking ownership on the things that you love and actually want to do and creating your, your dream life and realize that you are in the driver's seats and everyone can judge you. I mean, everyone will, it doesn't matter what you do.

 

There will always be some people who find that inspiring and some people who don't. And and if we worry about what everyone else are saying, then we'll, we'll never get to live our dream life. We get to live other people's dream life.

 

100 percent agree. And as you know, I, I did live in Melbourne for 23 years, I think, and I have moved up to beautiful Mesa and where you, we connected on the weekend.

 

I have to say, I love it up here so much. And, you know, this brings up a really good point about total radical responsibility. Give yourself permission to do the things that you need, you know, and for me, so much of NUSA is walking the national park and swimming at main beach and swimming at tea tree and swimming in little co.

 

The experience in that water and the hikes and the views and the, you know, that's just, I'm going to give myself permission to do that. We don't have to work all the time. Like there comes a point where that's what I need and our connection with nature or connection with ourselves. It's give yourself permission.

 

And that's also, cause sometimes people say, Oh, radical responsibility sounds like a lot of pressure. No, it's freedom. And it also gives you permission to do beautiful things like you did this morning.

 

Yeah, absolutely. Can you give us some examples on what people can start doing to take more ownership of their own life?

 

Can you just give some, some thoughts that our listeners can start thinking about for their own life?

 

Sure, I think probably even we could probably make this really simple and just be like I really want you to think about what are You gonna start doing and what are you gonna stop doing or what are you gonna keep doing?

 

So maybe it's stop keep and really just to think about I am gonna take responsibility That I'm gonna start doing this or probably I reckon a lot of listeners even more listeners probably go Oh, I need to stop doing the way I'm talking to myself right now. It's not okay You So what do I need to stop doing and what do I need to keep doing?

 

That's really working. And there'll be many people listening to this that are having tremendous success that have found a bit of that pattern and found a bit of that flow. And even Keith Abraham put up a model on the weekend when he was speaking and it, it did strike me. And he said, So often we find ourselves talking about, am I, instead of I am, you know, and let me just give you a quick example from my lowest point there.

 

It was, I wondered whether the world was coming back. I wondered whether we'll have, I had other speakers, you know, and I've got a beautiful studio and I've got a television broadcast studio. I mean, I can do all this from here, but you know, the, the reality is, you know, people were saying, are we ever going to get back to live conferences and.

 

And, and then I'm like, am I able to come back and am I, and I'm questioning, am I? Am I, am I, am I? And that shift out of am I to, I am to go, I'm Chris Helder, I'm coming back. I'm ready. I'm gonna put this together. I'm gonna help people, but I'm gonna climb this new ladder. I am going to do that. I am. I am. I am.

 

So I think so much of it's just, you know, whether it was, what am I start doing? And probably most importantly, what do I need to stop doing? What am I going to keep doing? And what's the stuff where you go? Am I worthy? Am I okay? Am I enough? Am I safe? Am I, am I, am I, am I, as opposed to just flipping it over?

 

As Keith said, I just go, Hey, I am Chris Elder. I'm making this happen. And this is our life. Boom. This is, we're going to make something go right now. Let's do this. So. You know, I always said the most important words we say all day are the words we say to ourself about ourself when we are alone by ourself.

 

And I think you know, most people are cruel. And I think if we can really start to manage that language and own that language, that's total radical responsibility. 

 

Step three, which is perspective, that was actually a vital strategy in my own struggles because one of my friends passed away a couple of years ago before COVID.

 

And that really gave me perspective when I was going through the challenging times. He was also in retail and I've shared this probably a couple of times on the podcast here already. But but it really helped me thinking. That he would do anything just to be alive and to be here. So that really helped me thinking, you know, there's so many more people who have it worse than me through COVID and perspective really, really helped me and also helped me with the dreaming part, which we're going to come to soon, soon, because I thought, You know, if I can't do this dream, what is other dreams that I can do?

 

And I have plenty of those. So, but perspective has been a really, really big part of my life, not just over COVID, but through a lot of challenges. So I'd love for you to talk through that for our listeners. 

 

Well, I think, I think the key with perspective and you're right. And what you said is perfect and beautiful and wonderful and correct.

 

You know, you can always find examples. I suppose I want to start though, by saying I never want to minimize.  someone's experience of pain and suffering. And it's easy for one person to go. Oh, why are you upset about that when I have to deal with this? Or, you know, it's not a comparison of suffering. It's not a competition of suffering.

 

At the same time, I think once we have accepted the situation, taking total radical responsibility, I think now we can look around and go, okay, what I was upset about in zero. And I was keep talking about zero. Cause if you're a zero, you're, you're not even started this, but you're blaming everybody you're upset.

 

You're at trying to just get through the day, which is okay. That happens sometimes. But once you get to level three, you actually can now look and go, I do have some perspective. Hang on a second. Yes. My situation was tough. Yes. I felt that way. Yes. So I. Maybe didn't treat those people as well as I should have, or that person as well as I should have.

 

But you know what? Here I am now, and I can say, you know, I mean, most people would trade places with  anybody listening to this podcast. Like, 99 percent of the world, if you went to the global world, would trade places with anyone listening to this podcast today. Right? Like, and you, and you know, you look at it and have that.

 

And obviously in 2015 I wrote a book called Useful Belief. It's my highest selling book. It's a. You know, I've been speaking about it like 150 times a year, all over Australia and all over America.  The last sort of eight years. And you know, the idea of useful beliefs and really having perspective around, you know, what is a useful belief about my situation?

 

You know, I have a reality. I could change it if I want to, but if I can't change it, or most importantly, if I'm not going to change it, what's my useful belief about it. And really, you know, when we had some fun with another weekend where I was talking about this is the best time in the history of the world to be alive.

 

And, you know, the question is, is it true? Well, it's not about true. It's about perception. And. I've never seen two words that get more confused in my entire life than the word truth and the word perception. The number of people who go, That's true! And like, This is a terrible time to be alive! That's true!

 

Well, no, it's not. That's your perception. The beautiful thing is we're totally in charge of our perception.  Like we can change our brain instantly. I mean, when I believe it's the best time in the history of the world to be a parent, I'm a better dad. When I believe it's the best time in the history of the world to be in my business, opportunities open up in my brain.

 

I talked to someone else who says, tough times, these are tough times, tough. Well, as soon as you say tough times, your brain shuts down.  And it's that simple, Chris. If you believe in tough times and you're watching You know, you got your paranoia going because you're watching the Today Show starting, then you're into your news feed, then you're watching Current Affair, then you're, then you're getting some love advice from Mavs.

 

Look, at the end of the day, you know, yeah, here's the thing, it is tough times everywhere, but when we start to think about this is the best time in the history of the world, life begins at an uncertain age. And we had one of the most beautiful humans, Along with us at the conference on the weekend, you know, connecting with Robin Moore, who was the voice of Blakey bill, which is the original cartoon, you know, that and a little predates my time in Australia, quite frankly, but you know, here's Robin Moore, 73 years old, and she talked to me about how inspired she is right now to go out there and, you know, she's a person who used a cartoon character to be a part of make a wish foundation for years and years calling five year old children who have leukemia.

 

And it's one thing just to take the check. It's one thing to get paid as a cartoon character. It's another thing to decide to use that cartoon character, to make phone calls to five year olds who now believe Blinky Bill is in their corner and Blinky Bill is cheering for them to try to get through this sickness.

 

And, you know, beautiful humans. Who put things in perspective. She's 73 and I stood on stage in front of all you guys. And I looked right at her and I said, life begins at 73. And you know, it does when you're 73 and you know, you got a choice.  Life begins at 55. That's a useful belief. If your life begins at 40, that's a useful belief.

 

If you're 40, this is the best time in the history of the world. That, that, that if you're single, this is the best time in the history of the world to be single. And it is right. This is the best time in the history of the world to be a single parent. If you're a single parent, best time in the history of the world to be married, you're happily married, but whatever your situation is, this is the most important thing.

 

If you're not going to change it, or if you can't change it, or actually, if you won't change it, because you're just not going to.  So if you're not going to change it, have a useful belief about it. And  those useful beliefs will give you perspective  and all of a sudden, well, the world's going to look a lot more beautiful to you.

 

Yeah. I couldn't agree more. It was, it's a very interesting, I've been reflecting a lot about that because when I saw you speak first up, I just loved it because when we started my first business at 9, 11 just happened in New York and of course that was a very uncertain time for all of us. And everyone said it's the worst time to open a retail store.

 

And I was like, this is the best time to open a retail store because you can't, you can't Probably can't get much worse. It was also a financial crisis. And the funny thing was that I met with so many shopping centers over the 25 years in, in retail. And I never heard one person saying it was a good time to be retail ever.

 

It Everyone said, Oh, this is, this is going to be the worst Christmas. And I was like, I heard that so many times it was, it was almost like funny. It was an, I decided it definitely, I didn't use those words, but definitely I didn't buy into that. And also the other, the other thing that I reflected, thinking about Robyn.

 

So one, my friend. My best friend, she just turned 60 and she believes that she's going to be in her prime when she's 70. And that's a belief that she has. And I truly believe she will. And I was like, I have no doubt. And then when I saw Robin on the weekend, I was just like, this is just a proof of it in advance.

 

And I love how she was taking notes from everyone. Then, you know, she's a very seasoned speaker, but she, Took as many notes as all of us did. And I mean, everyone did, you guys did as well from each other. And it was a beautiful thing to see because I think you'd never stop learning. And if you have that belief that, you know, it can't be much better.

 

And I was actually saying, when my girlfriend turned 60, we, we celebrated her in Sweden. And I said to her, imagine if we came to Australia. A hundred years ago, it would have come out on a boat and we would have been here once, never seen our family again. That was the most cases for people. And I was saying, how lucky are we?

 

And, you know, cause often people say how awful that flight is. And of course it's no fun with a jet lag, but I'm just so grateful to be able to go home and see my family because that wasn't the case a hundred years ago.

 

That is amazing perspective. That is exactly right. It's exactly right. And you know, my fiancee, Amanda Stevens, she was lucky enough to be invited to NECA Island on Richard Branson's Island.

 

Since she was speaking about Richard Branson this morning. So she actually got to spend time with him on his island, which was incredible. And she got invited as part of this entrepreneur group. And, you know, she said. That his head sits at a continual 12 degree angle sort of because while he's the most accomplished person in the room, he's the most curious, he's the most curious person in the room and to think about the power of perspective to be that man to be have accomplished that much, and yet still have the driving force behind you be curiosity.

 

I'd like to get to 73 when you, I mean, how many older people do you know? Like I go. They know it all, they've learned it all, they've done it all, and it doesn't make you happy, because they're grumpy. Right. The reality is most people are happiest when they're in a state of curiosity. You know, so there's a Richard, he went sober to this morning and you know, I mean, Amanda was so funny because, you know, she went and was a part of this group and she said that Richard was there.

 

I don't know how many of them in the hot tub in this, in the spa , he is having a spa with Richard Branson, but there was 14 of them or whatever. He is going around the room just sitting in, in, in a spa asking everybody questions about, and anyway, just what life begins. Curiosity. What a beautiful word and what a, you know, what a beautiful inspiration a guy like Branson is just to be 70, whatever he is.

 

And still be at that complete state of curiosity. And then this, you know, what that leads to is accomplishment.

 

Yeah, absolutely. I had the privilege to go to Nicaraguan as well. And that was my exact thought when I was sitting there and I actually brought notebooks for everyone. And for him to see sitting it was a surreal moment when I looked to the side and I had Richard next to me taking notes in my notebook and you know, there were early people in their early twenties talking and he was taking notes.

 

And I just love that because you, I feel like I learn as much from younger people now. From the, from the older, because the youngest, like my son is now an entrepreneur and he just been on the podcast and, and the wisdom that he shared is just incredible because now there's so much more worldly as well.

 

They are. Well, as I said, my university age son changed my life forever.  So yeah, they are wise beyond the years, which is the most beautiful thing.

 

Yeah, absolutely. The next step is engagement. Let's talk through that step.

 

Step four is engagement. And I say that because once you start to have the useful beliefs and once you gain the perspective, an amazing thing happens, you start to get excited about the world again.

 

And you start to, now you're seeing all the beautiful things and you're engaged.  And we really covered off, I suppose, most of step four in talking about Branson and talking about life begins at insert age. We're talking about Robin Moore. Here's people that are engaged, engagement with life, engagement.

 

You know, be interested, be curious and be excited. And we're out there now we're asking our children questions about their life. And, you know, but we're also noticing nature. And we're, when we go for those walks, it's our heads, not just damn, but our heads up, we're engaging with people and we're smiling at people and we're talking to people and we're, and I think the biggest thing is we're helping people and that really is, you know, that value piece around just helping people in service, but.

 

I really think it's just so critical that when you are re, start to be re ignited, that you actually are looking for those opportunities to help people. One of the stories I told in the weekend was the story about returning sheets at big W at Christmas time. And I said, I was there with my fiancee, Amanda, and this beautiful elderly woman crippled with scoliosis.

 

Carrying this big box and we were returning sheets in the return line at the Big W in Noosa and this woman was trying to lug this, well before I could even move, Amanda jumped in, grabbed the box,  she was there, I was on my way, she beat me to the punch, she picked up the box and put the box on the return thing and the elderly lady looked at her and just said, Oh, thank you so much.

 

She said, Oh, this is all so much. This is all so much the crowd and the people and, oh, it's so much. And she, she looked at Amanda and said, would you just mind holding my hand?  And Amanda grabbed her hand  and held her hand. And of course, I suppose if she'd asked me that, I'd be like, yeah, sure. Of course. But you know, here's the difference.

 

That's maybe what I would have said, but when you're engaged with life as Amanda is right, she said, grabbed her hand, held her hand and said, I'll hold your hand for as long as you need.  That's the difference. Just noticing people. How can we help people? What can we do? I mean, how good do we both feel to make that woman's day?

 

Like it was amazing. And that's engagement when you're engaged and excited and passionate about what's happening. But most of all, you're driving through a place of compassion and you're looking for those opportunities to just connect with humans. I mean, I hate to say this, Kristina, but the  truth is this, the survival rate on this planet is exactly 0%.

 

None of us are getting out of here alive, right? That's it. In a hundred years, we're going to be nothing more than a paragraph on Ancestry. com. That's it. And I say that to inspire us all in that, you know what? It's going to be over in a minute. You're literally a paragraph. And we get to the place that we go, what can we do today to engage?

 

In life. And so that's step four.

 

Yeah, absolutely. And I couldn't agree more. I am always like, I always work out how many months I have left to live because my dream is to live to 120.  That's a useful belief for me.  And It's an interesting way of looking at life. And I, I totally agree. That's why I'm so passionate about helping people living their dream life, because dream life is individual and it's, it doesn't have to be a global business or a big speaking on big stages.

 

Can be anything, whatever is right for that person. And that's why I'm so passionate about that. dreaming. So let's talk about that.

 

Which brings us to step five.  The final step is dreaming and you're wearing a t shirt that says dreamer. So that's amazing. And you've just seen Richard Branson who was talking about dreaming and you just went for an hour and 20 minute walk to dream.

 

Again, I really do want to speak just for a moment to all the people that are at zero. And you know what? I know right now if you're going, Oh, whatever, this process is fine. But except for the fact that, you know, and all of a sudden there's something my, my boss, my wife, my husband, my partner, my, okay, you're at zero, you're not taking acceptance.

 

Because here's the difference. When I was at zero, it's literally just getting through the day. And you know, if you're literally going, I just got to get through today. You're at zero. And my head was down all the time. Like I actually, the world was actually darker. I joked about it rained every day, but it felt that way to me.

 

When I was at zero, the world was darker. There was no acceptance, no responsibility, certainly no useful beliefs. I mean, it wasn't working for me if I tried. You know, there was no engagement with the world and dreaming. Are you kidding me? Step five, dreaming about anything. I'm like, how much money am I going to make in like February?

 

Like I was just, I was just like in the one month at a time. And then all of a sudden when you go through the process and you realize, Oh my God, I was depressed.  I was depressed.  And I was sad  and you look back on it and go,  well, let me just say this. You can't dream in denial.  You can't dream in denial when you're sitting in a place where you're denying and it's everyone else's fault.

 

And if only this had happened, I'd be different. You can't dream. You can't dream in denial. When you're engaged with life, as you are in step four, you can dream. All of a sudden, I start dreaming about my life. I start dreaming about my career. I start dreaming about my children's lives. You can start to dream about other people.

 

And you go, well, how can I help them do that? And you know, you can run a business and you can, you dream about what you want that business to do, but you cannot dream. And you know, you can't dream at zero, zero, zero, not dreaming. You're blaming  and dreaming is when, you know, all of a sudden it's like, wow, what if we did that?

 

And you know, I think my favorite thing about dreaming, Kristina, is that I am an ideas person. I've always been an ideas person. And I feel like for every hundred ideas I have, I reckon 84 of them are bad ideas, but you know, that's the great thing. Because 16 of them are great ideas. And like, I really just challenged people to think what if, and if I did that, what would happen and maybe I could do that or how would it work?

 

And, you know, just asking yourself questions is dreaming and it's fun.

 

Yeah, absolutely. I could not agree more. I love dreaming. And I think I think it's the first step in terms of creating a life that is true to you versus goal setting. We often think about how we can stretch ourselves and how we can do a little bit better in the same area.

 

But when we actually dream, we can start again and we can create whatever we want, which I think is the most exciting. And that's why it's so fun. 

 

Well, I love it. And I'll have to say it has been a process for me and a process of re ignition, acceptance. Total Relic Responsibility, Perspective, Engagement, and Dreaming.

 

That's your five steps and you're done. And you're, well, you're re engaged, you're re ignited, you're, you're alive, you're a light. And I think you know, for so many people, when I told them I was writing the book, again, How to Find Power When You Feel Flat Tired and Inspired, what people kept saying to me was, I need that, but what are the steps?

 

What are the steps? And when people say it to me, they need the first step.  Acceptance. Or change your whole thing, you know, but or otherwise accept, right? And I think it's just that really nice to provide people with a process to not just take themselves out of crisis. But I think even sometimes just to take themselves out of the mundane and the take themselves out of the average, take themselves out of the everyday, take themselves out of the you know, just, it's not about being the best average, just being the best.

 

average you can be, you know, kids taking yourself out and go, what do I have to do to reignite?  What do I have to do to reignite  or ignite? And that was why I wrote the book. And it followed my own journey from having my business blown out, being locked down, going through a divorce, and almost losing my beautiful fiance to something horrible called sepsimia.

 

And having most of that  simultaneously as it fell to that drove me into that hole. And I think you know, which was fine. I take total responsibility for that, but also to look at what was the journey that actually got me out. And as I said, sometimes you write the books you need to read and it was great to just write the book and actually just go through what was the journey, like, What actually happened.

 

And I'm so grateful. You know, I truly am. I'm, I feel like 2023 this last year has been a year of gratitude for me. It's been a year of renewal. It's been a year of adventure, you know, Amanda and I have set a target now to do a hundred islands together. We've worked to number 14 and I know that sounds crazy, but we're just doing island life and celebrating everything.

 

And, and it really was that year of gratitude, renewal, and adventure. And those are three great words for some people who may find themselves in a hole. There might be three great words to go into 2024 with just to say gratitude, you know, renewal and adventure. And you know, it becomes really fun.

 

Yeah, I love that.

 

I love that dream. That's a great dream. And I can't wait to see all the islands that you guys will go to. So

 

we try to post them on Instagram for a bit of fun. 

 

We'll link to all obviously we'll link to both of your books and to your social media as well. I just wanted to ask a couple of more quicker questions.

 

One is do you have a morning routine in your beautiful New South? You must have, please tell me you do, 

 

you know, it's, it's. hilarious because as we're recording this and I'm not quite sure when this is actually going live, but When, as we're recording this, it is beautiful summertime in Nusa and it gets light very, very early in Nusa, so you don't have the daylight savings and it is wonderful.

 

There is nothing better. There is nothing better. Honestly, I packed my backpack the night before. There's nothing better. Like you get down to Nusa at 530 in the morning and you're on that trail and you're up, heading up. And I've got my bathers there to have a swim at the end of it. And I'm hiking and the sun's up and it's already, and you know, you can't believe how many people are already on this trail at five 30, you know, it's it, but it is to, to say mornings in Nusa are just so special and, and to finish it off with a swim.

 

Okay. I lived in Melbourne for 23 years. Hang on. I, you know, I I got a lot of friends that live in Brighton, right? The other day, they're like,  I can walk to the ocean, but it's only like 16 days a year that I feel comfortable getting in there. So it's but as I said, you know, useful belief though, right?

 

If you live in Melbourne, I mean, I love Melbourne weather, right? I mean, that's what I always used to say to myself about perspective, Melbourne weather. I'd be like, I'd be like, I love, I love Melbourne with her. I love the fact that it's four seasons and one quarter of footy. I love that. I love that summer goes 43, 42, 41.

 

14. I love that idea. And so, you know, you got to embrace it if that's where you are. If you're whatever your reality is, you're not going to change it. You have a useful belief about it. Absolutely. A morning walk in the National Park is the single greatest way to start your day in the history of the world, I think.

 

Yeah.

 

Yeah. I could not agree more. That's why I always try to stay for an extra couple of days when I go up there just to kind of enjoy it. I love it so much. And I remember actually because I wanted to get a coffee early. So I went down to a coffee place a day before asking, what time do you open?

 

And they said 6am. And I'm like, yes, of course we're in New South, where everyone is up. You know, it's 5am is people already out, which is kind of rare here in Melbourne. So thank you for sharing that. I would love to know. Apart from your own books, what's your favorite nonfiction book that had a big impact on you?

 

Oh, wow. And you know, it just flashed. My brain went to, you talked about Branson, Branson popped into my head right away because but that's I mean, that biography just blew my mind. And I just think his story is just so incredible, but there's some great books out there. There's amazing things out there.

 

There's things to help us. And I really, right now, I'm trying to find a lot of beauty just in the everyday acts of humans. And I feel like I've read a lot of. Self help books, I've written self help books. I'm not trying to manage selling my own self help book because this one, I suppose, I mean, this latest one I wrote is really more of a personal journey.

 

So I think people will enjoy it. It's not from a preachy place, but I guess I've got a lot of the concepts down and I think I'm at a place right now in my life. Where I want to really activate my brain  to find the beauty in simple moments in life, and not complicated moments, not, not overwhelming moments, just  a kindness that I see from someone at the supermarket, a kindness that I see in a retail.

 

The difference between literally walking into the Shell station to pay for my petrol and, you know, here's a guy that works behind glass all day, or she works behind glass all day. And just to be kind and actually say something nice about them and, you know, say, you know, what a lovely smile, you made my day.

 

And to watch the change when you compliment people and the power of,  of just the simplest acts of kindness. And how they change army and how they change the trajectory of the day, because the next 50 people that walk into that shell station or that retail outlet or the grocery store supermarket are going to be affected by what you just did.

 

So yes, I've read some incredible books. I've seen some incredible seminars and at the same time, I really am focused right now on simple acts of kindness. 

 

I love, love that. Thank you for sharing that. The last question I have for you is knowing what you know now,  what kind of advice would you give yourself say in your late, late teens or early twenties?

 

What sort of advice would I give myself? You know, it's, it's so hard when you're in late teens and early twenties. I think, you know, and I've got three boys in my early twenties and having three boys in my early twenties, watching them really own space where they've really got that level of congruence where they think, you know, they know it.

 

And they, they've got, that's the hardest thing, isn't it? Because when you're in your fifties, you know, I don't know how that happened.  You know, yourself completely. I think, you know, what you want to put out there. And I think I had an idea in more teens and twenties about who I wanted to be. We did a funny exercise in the weekend about what kind of car do you, is your brand?

 

And I, I made a joke that my car was a 66 Mustang. Cause I said, it's the 1966 Mustang. Cause I said, Hey, it's, it's vintage. It's a little bit cool still. And occasionally it breaks down on the side of the road. And yeah, but but I obviously meant that as a little self deprecation, but also a reality of life and humanity.

 

And I think, you know, Yes, knowing who you are is such an important thing. And I, so I'd love to be able to instill in my young man and instill in, you know, I would have loved to instill in myself, my late teens, early twenties, I would have loved to instill just a level of, it's going to be okay. Keep going, keep going.

 

And, you know, just back yourself, you know, again, we go back to that, that whole thing around. Judgment from other people. And I think this generation today has a whole nother layer of that with social media and how they're, they're being judged. So yeah.

 

I love that. Thank you so much. That was the most wonderful hour to chat about your amazing book and your journey and all the amazing things that you do.

 

And I encourage everyone listening to go and see Chris. Live as a speaker, if you've got the opportunity. So if you follow him, you'll see where he is. And it's really an amazing hour well spent. So thank you so much, Chris, first for coming on the podcast. I know you have a very full schedule, so I really appreciate it, but also for all the amazing things and the wisdom that you share of the weekend and with our listeners as well, I really appreciate it and  look forward to follow your, your journey because every day will be the best day to be alive.

 

Well, Kristina, it is truly a pleasure and a pleasure to even get to know you further this weekend. You're just an amazing human. So congratulations on your journey.

 

Thank you. Thank you.  Wow. How amazing is Chris? I just love his energy and I have no doubt you are inspired to reignite using Chris tools. To do that,  as mentioned earlier, Chris is our superstar speaker in May in the coaching program.

 

I am so excited because the May theme is to work on our subconscious mind and belief is very much part of that. It's going to be such a great month because I have done so much work on my own subconscious mind and it has been incredible. If you want to join, I will link the coaching program in the show notes or just head over to your dream lab starts here.

 

As always, I'll be back on Monday with a new Monday morning motivation episode. I can't wait. I'll see you then.